Do be do be do...
The Frank Sinatra Facilitation Fallacy
A FEW WEEKS AGO, in a coaching conversation, a facilitator told me about their plans for the new year.1 All good stuff, drawn from reflective work we'd been exploring. It was, however, somewhat ambitious.
"Sounds great," I said. "How will you fit all that in?"
"I'll just be super organised," they replied.
Just? I was glad I had asked the question.
The thing is you can’t decide to be super organised. Or creative. Or inclusive. These aren't switches you flip. You can only decide to do. Every time I've promised myself I'll be organised... I have failed miserably. The only times it's worked is when I've committed to doing stuff: invoices on Mondays, planning blocked out Thursday mornings, phone switched off after 9pm. Then, slowly, I end up being organised. Being is the goal of the plan, not the plan itself.
It's a great example of something I call the Sinatra Inversion - after Ol’ Blue Eyes’ famous "do be do be do" in Strangers in the Night. It describes those times we get our be's and do's in the wrong order!
Why good intentions aren't enough
We facilitators are especially prone to this. As summer ends and the new term or season looms, we make these lovely resolutions: I want to be more inspiring, more reflective, more inclusive. All admirable. But aspiration on its own doesn't change much.
Without actions attached, it's just a posture - a hope we carry rather than a habit we practice.
Even Sinatra was guilty. In "New York, New York" he belts out "I'm gonna be a part of it" - but you can't simply decide to be part of something. You have to do the work that makes belonging real.
Psychologists call this the intention–behaviour gap: we assume that deciding to be something is the same as becoming it. Logicians might call it wishful thinking — treating a desired state as if it were already achieved. In reality, it’s backwards. The “being” is always the effect, never the cause.
What it looks like in practice
Take inclusion. Saying "I'll be more inclusive this year" sounds great. But what actually changes in the room?
Compare that to: making sure it's not always the same people who speak first, varying methods of contribution to not always favour those happy speaking aloud, rephrase instructions to make room for alternative interpretations. These are actions not objectives.2 Suddenly inclusion isn't a nice idea - it's something you can practice.
Same with being reflective? It doesn't happen because we wish it would. It happens because we take time after sessions to think through what worked, because we keep notes on what to try differently next time, because we actually ask ourselves what we noticed rather than rushing straight to the next thing.
In every case, the "being" only shows up after you've done the work.
The practical bit
This matters more as we head into a new year full of good intentions. The Sinatra Inversion is tempting because "being" feels bigger, more important. It's quicker to say "I'll be inclusive" than to design the small practices that make it real.
But facilitation is a practical art. It lives in the things you can repeat, adjust, and refine.
So when you catch yourself planning to be something this year, pause. What will you actually do? Can you name three small actions that reliably create that state? Would someone watching your session recognise your intention just from what they see you doing?
If not, you might be humming the Sinatra Inversion off key. Be do be do be... just doesn't sound right! Treating it as a simple 'do then be' misses the point too.
Frank had it right. It's not that you do enough and then earn the right to be something. It's a rhythm - you do something, which lets you be something momentarily, which informs how you do the next thing. The doing and being feed each other, back and forth, like a song.
I write the newsletter from various coffee shops, imagining I'm chatting with my subscribers over a cappuccino. So if you ever find an issue particularly helpful or thought-provoking, you can now literally buy me the coffee that will fuel the next one. This approach keeps the newsletter free and accessible for everyone while still allowing you to support the work when it resonates with you.
This post has their blessing and, as always, I've taken care to anonymise the details of the conversation.
The parallel with Acting terminology is entirely intentional. You can't play an objective you can only play the actions/activities that aim to fulfil that objective.